Whilst at our family lunch yesterday, a young group of mums at the table next to us made a comment they thought I would not hear. Or perhaps they didn’t care if I did. It went something like “…there are so many things wrong with that, I don’t even know where to begin”. At first I didn’t think it was directed at me. But one quick look over to their table confirmed my fear. They were all collectively staring at me. I had a sudden flashback of me, standing alone in the middle of my high school cafteria, after being told “you can’t sit here fatty”. There is nothing more socially frightening then a group of mums with an opinion. Forget high school bullies. They’ve got nothing on mum’s who shame. I feel like there should be a collective noun for them; a cluster-mole of opinionated mums. Yeah that works. #clustermole
You see, I gave my 18 month old a bottle in his pram. No biggy I thought. He is down to 1 bottle a day. He was over tired, just smashed his lunch, and needed to nap. So I made up a bottle, laid him back in his pram and gave him his bottle of shame.
“Avery was fully weened by her first birthday”. Congratu-fucking-lations on naming your child after a bird cage, and for weening her by one… is what I wanted to say. But I’m allergic to confrontation. So I just sat there, like my high school ghost of Christmas past. My very first, gloriously awkward, very public #mumshaming.
I turn on the news this morning to see photos of Meghan Markle holding her new born baby. The headline read “Markle mum-shamed over how she holds baby. Experts weigh in.” STOP right now (thank-you very much. I need somebody with the human touch). Enough is enough. I’m calling it. The perpetrators of mum-shaming is us – MOTHERS. You. Me. Susan. And the cluster-mole of new mums, old mums, mums of 1, mums of 5, step-mums, foster mums and mums-to-be. We are all guilty of doing it in some capacity. So here’s a little reminder; none of us have any idea what we are doing. No. Fucking. Idea. What works for you will never ever ever work for anyone else. Because you and your baby are one in a million! And let’s just appreciate the fact that none of us sleep, all of us pee in front of an audience, we use far to much dry shampoo, and Kmart has incredible bargains.
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